Picture Of The Day
The Snowy Outdoors

My Skin Is Made Of Snowflakes

This morning I curled up into a ball in the woods behind my house and I laid there for about 45 minutes staring at a mushroom and thinking about how gross and unsafe it is for me to be laying there and about how far I've come. In 2021, my OCD was so bad that I'd refuse to leave the house without my skin fully covered because I didn't want to pick up any germs. I wore gloves, a mask, and sunglasses to maximize the amount of skin that was covered, everywhere I went. It was one of the many reasons I hardly ever went outside. Today I was lying on the forest floor. I was grossed out but I didn't want to get up.

My skin is very pale and my ancestral people are nomadic. I was made to lie down in the snowy woods to have skin-to-skin contact. It's very compelling for me to run very far from my "home" and into the wilderness where no one can reach me. I want to just disappear.

I've kept these feelings close to me because I've never wanted anyone to have any clue about my whereabouts if I ever act on temptation. I want to become completely self reliant. I've began copying vital information onto my dozens of blank notebooks. I can't trust a computer and printer to do the work of a "human girl". Maybe bringing another being along wouldn't be all too bad. I'm a very paranoid person. It's difficult for me to trust anyone. There is a select group of people that are incredibly unique for the trust that I have for them lies on the epidermis. I'd never let it go deeper than that. I want them to keep me at an arms length as well. I need them to know that I am not a friend and I'm looking for a merciful escape from all of them. I'm only here now because they like me for some reason and I don't want to hurt them in my absence and strange disappearance if I don't have to.

I've taught myself how to make my own clothes by hand. Including all the tools and materials I need to grow to make them. I'm copying the Holy Bible by hand onto a notebook I've been saving it's deflowerment on for years.I'm on Exodus 4 now. I just realize that I need to learn how to make my own paper. I also know how to hunt and how to make my own bows and arrows. I'll never need another human again.

Maybe this blog will end up turning into some sort of survival guide. At the bottom of each entry, I'll leave some tips I've learned.

Humans are so much more capable than anyone thinks. We are communal and work on a network. Our strongest features are our minds and need for community. Human civilization is a collaborative project we all add too. We are highly intellient and our need to love and help others is what keeps us going. We shouldn't be on any website. The internet is a harness for us. It stunts us. Did you know we can move smoke with our minds? Only because we can think about smoke moving in any particular pattern. I'm not bullshitting or schizo. We are the next fronteir. Remove your reliance on tech and solve a problem with your own mind. Take baby steps.

I wasn't made to die comfortably of old age with my brain half rotted in some hospital with a contrasting ambieance with the sterility and bright lights. I wasn't supposed to die surrounded with my friends and family. I was meant to die of starvation after an empty harvest season. I was meant to be mangled by a bear. I was meant to die of an ailment that was once extinct in humanity's internal ecosystem. I need to freeze on the cold, snowy, winter floor. Alone. Hopefully my path remains clear and my purge of my psychic form's junk into the physical realm doesn't become a self-fulfilled prophecy.

I would like to put out there that I love my dad more than anything. Along with my animals (my two cats, rabbit, hamster, and fish). They are my anchor to domestic life. As elaborative as I'd like to be on my love, trust, and gratitude for them, I can't. My appreciation for them all can't be described in a way a human could fathom. The closest attempt would be much longer than War and Peace, Tolstoy. Who knows how long it'd be for me to most percisely describe how much I love them. MAybe infintly. Maybe I'm a monkey clicking random symbols on a keyboard.

In human love to a human being and speciesmate. God bless us all. Hang in there. You've got this.

SURVIVORS TIPS - 11 AUGUST 2024

Starting a fire using the hand drill method

You need wood, tinder, and gritty relentlessness.

Build a tinder nest. Your tinder nest will be used to turn the ember you create into a flame. Make a tinder nest out of anything that catches fire easily, like dry grass, leaves, and bark.

Make your notch. Cut a v-shaped notch into your fireboard and make a small depression adjacent to it.

Place bark underneath the notch. The bark will be used to catch an ember from the friction between the spindle and fireboard.

Start spinning. Place the spindle into the depression on your fireboard. Your spindle should be about 2 feet long for this to work properly. Maintain pressure on the board and start rolling the spindle between your hands, running them quickly down the spindle. Keep doing this until an ember is formed on the fireboard.

Start a fire! Once you see a glowing ember, tap the fireboard to drop your ember onto the piece of bark. Transfer the bark to your nest of tinder. Gently blow on it to start your flame.